I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
