someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
