There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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