Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
You need Xanax blowdarts
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
