i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
