Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
