Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
