I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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