Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
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