I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
