dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
