Im at strip club and am horny
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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