Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
