i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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