why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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