ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
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