So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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