you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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