It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
