So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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