Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Ketchup is God's man juice
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
