SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Randomize
