Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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