So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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