He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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