I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
