he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
What drink are we having for lunch?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
