i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
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