I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
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