I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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