You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
