Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
