the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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