How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
