Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Pants are for mortals
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
