those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
