Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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