It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
