Your mouth is God's brothel.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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