Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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