Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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