Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
