I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
