had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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