so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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