I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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