You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
