You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
