and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
