it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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