Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
