I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Found the puke drawer
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
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