hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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