Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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