She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
